Am writing now from an Internet Cafe opposite from the Anand Lodge where I am staying. I had stayed at the Desi Lodge the day before but the Anand Lodge has given me a room that is half the price and twice as clean! Its also close to a number of nice food places, an internet cafe and a phone shop where I bought my Airtel prepaid sim card for SMSing home with.
I spent yesterday painting the ashram with some German devotees who loved speaking in German X(. The plan was to make myself useful enough to be allowed to stay there while waiting for the evening Darshan. Unfortunately there was not enough work to go around so I had to come back later.
Mother Meera is an avatar of Shakti, the divine mother. In her silent darshan she removes obstacles to our spiritual development by touching the backs of our heads on her lap. Then she grants a vision of the divine through staring at her eyes.
In the evening we sat in silence till Mother entered the room and gave us her Darshan.
Mine was extremely unexpected! My heart was already racing with excitement when I approached her and knelt. With my head in her lap she pressed her fingers on it and there was ... movement... inside me. And when I raised my head and stared into her eyes my heart beat faster than I've ever felt before. This was coupled with my mind racing with uncontrolled thoughts at breakneck speed.
My heartbeat did not come down for almost a half hour after the darshan. I was also given a test, or a lesson. This I only realised in retrospect, by reflecting on the events that transpired before, during and after my darshan. This had to do with my samskara of guilt that has been piling grief and limiting my experiences since my childhood. All I will say is I have grown from this experience, and I am extremely grateful!
This morning while doing my daily meditation I found it much less of a struggle to calm my mind and release my self from it than what is usual! The bliss that grew from inside was clearer and more intense.
I am going for another darshan tonight! This time I hope to be more settled and centered - I was still reeking of the clutched thoughts that I've accumulated during my eventful trip to Madanapalle and found it difficult to settle my mind prior to last night's darshan. I think that is why I had such a strange reaction to it.