I arrived in my Master's Bidadi Ashram 2 days ago. Master granted my wish of one last Darshan of him and a blessing before I return to Singapore. There was a one day weekend meditation course that I was able to join - Kalpatharu Darshan - that allowed for it.
It was a course about fulfilling your dreams and wishes by preparing your body and mind prior to Master's darshan. But all I wanted was to see him again!
At the end of the day after a long wait and several meditation sessions my Master finally appeared on stage. When it was my turn I was in deep awareness of how long it had been since my first darshan of him, and how much has happened since then. Indeed my entire India trip was fueled by a large part by him drawing me into his circle.
What do I ask from him? There will be many wishes and desires but none will ever be worth spoiling the beautiful silence I felt as I approached him.
In the past I used to be all a flutter before approaching him. My mind would be undergoing through a desperate last minute spring cleaning to make the place appropriate for Master's visit, and amidst this inner hubbab I would get my darshan.
But now there are no longer any more illusions. I am who I am, imperfect and flawed, but also divine in nature in the process of awakening and going home. Master would have welcomed me regardless of who I am.
Kneeling in front of him, I did not look into his face, instead choosing to close my eyes and wait passively. I was surprised by Master's voice. "Do you have anything to say to me?" he asked. This was because in Kalpatharu Darshan you approach Master with a wish or desire you want fulfilled and ask for the energy to achieve it. But my wish was to be in his presence again, and it was already fulfilled!
Besides, bringing me out of my ignorance and depression, saving me from my own madness of inner chattering, guiding and protecting me through the most important journey in my life - 6 months in the spiritual center of the world, what has he NOT fulfilled? What will I ever be able to ask that he doesn't already know? What will he ever withold from me that will be best for my spiritual development?
I shook my head and sneaked a peek at his face. I also was aware of a strange thing I was doing that I never did in his presence - I was smiling at him! He exploded into a wonderful silent laugh and gave me a wonderful darshan. He put his thumb on my agnya chakra but hugged me at the same time. I have seen him give this most affectionate form of darshan to people before, I never knew that Mr. Dysfunctional Heart would ever deserve this from him. He hugged me closely afterwards, then said to me: "I am with you."
How did he know that I would be returning to Singapore, and was seeking his blessing? Or my fear of losing my path after returning to Singapore, or of being distant from him? With the four words of that blessing I barely made it back to my seat before my tears fell, unabated. Always the right words at the right time, that Master of mine.
Today I had a last glimpse of Master as I left the ashram. He was celebrating Diwali with his ashramites, lighting firecracker after firecracker, running away after the fuses were lit giggling like a little boy and leaving explosion after explosion (and fleeing ashramites) at his wake!
India IS the Spiritual Center of the World. That I know for sure now having spent 6 unforgettable months roaming and exploring. The lessons and revelations come from breathtaking places and mystical teachers but also from unlikely sources. All that it asks of you is for you to be open and aware, and seeking. And when the Jnana of direct experience starts coming and coming, you will realise that the answers have always been inside you, waiting for you to remember.
I want to return! There are many places in the north I was not able to devote my full time to, and many more I have missed totally. It will happen when it happens!
Goodbye, India! Happy Diwali! And thank you. Thank you. Thank you.